Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
