is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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