its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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