she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FUCK WHALES
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
