im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
