he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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