you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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