took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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