my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i dont even know how to be here
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i think my cat just said my name.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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