Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
