you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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