I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
