you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
