i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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