I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
