so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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