Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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