you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
