saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
