I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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