Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Randomize
