I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
