Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
