Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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