Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
