I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
