hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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