Non-Jews are for practice
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
