This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
