dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
