I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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