just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
