i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
