if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
