Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
