There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
