It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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