Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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