suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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