Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
