he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
