Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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