His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think your dad took our porno
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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