I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
