But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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