No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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