like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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