do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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