she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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