I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
