So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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