She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
