I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
