sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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