You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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